What Bugs Me
hello again all who still care to read. i would like to take this time to talk about what i have just a few minutes ago come to realize. i realized what bothers me the most of all. thinking you can have something and then it being taken away. now, i don't mean this in the sence of putting a cookie infront of someone's face and saying "want it?" then pulling it away and saying "can't have it!". what i mean is more giving the person the cookie. so that they can hold it in their hands. so that they can smell it. and then just when they put it up to their mouth to take a bite, pulling it violently away and leaving them with crumbs. which needless to say, do nothing more than remind the person that they had the cookie, and it was taken from them. when that kind of thing happens to me it bothers me a great deal. i have figured out that i am a person who needs a great deal of stability in my life. not routine persay... but like if someone says that they're going to do something, or that something's going to happen, and then at the last possible second they back out, or something changes, things like that really get to me. anyway, thats all for now i guess. bye to all who care to read.
2 Comments:
I think everybody needs that to a certain extent. I certainly find that really depressing. It's like tasting freedom, only to be handcuffed to your dresser the next day. But on the other hand, perhaps it's better to have smelled the cookie, then to never know there was one. There's usually another cookie around somewhere, and despite the pain and anger at loosing the cookie, I beleive it makes you stronger in the end. That way, perhaps you will fight harder for the next cookie, or be more grateful for the things you do get. Or maybe you'll just think the person who pulled it away from you is a jerk.
A thing like that happened to me today. i was very upset. You might have noticed, but then again maybe not. I had a good hour of self pity when i got home; telling myself I'd fooled myself into thinking there was a way out; there being none. And feeling sorry for myself. Then I went upstairs and made spaghetti. Not exactly sure why, but that helped. And to any of my friends who cares to read this, I wish to extend my apologies.
Sincerly,
-Guardian
As i was re-reading my previous comment, i realized that it's worse to taste the cookie, than to simply smell it, before it's taken away. In my random reference to feeling freedom, only to be chained up, it's a very real and anguished pain. But if you were in a cage where you could see freedom, but then were taken away, i think you would more likely just give up all hope of ever getting out, 'knowing' (or beleiving you know) it to be impossible.
So your example of smelling the cookie is very dangerous. I see that now, as i didn't before. You see... if you actually feel freedom, you know what it's like to be able to do whatever you want. Also you know that there is a way for you to have it. So when you are re-chained, you have something you can strive for. But if you never felt it, you have no hope that you can ever have it for yourself.
And so i'd like to say this; you can have whatever you wish, be whatever you want, do whatever you strive for. You are stronger than you know, so beleive in yourself; there's no telling where you'll go.
Sincerly,
-Guardian
P.S. I am sorry if I am getting very philosophical about all this, but I really can't help it. It's in my nature.
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